The Wisdom of Eric

Trusting my feelings…

Feelings are a powerful thing.  For me, along with empathy, they help guide me through life, getting a glimpse of understanding of what the other person might be feeling and more often than not, definitely what I am feeling.

When I am truly in relation with another, I believe that what we both may be experiencing unconsciously, seems to create something with a life of its own between us.  We have created something unique, sometimes positive and sometimes negative, but feeling real, although at times perhaps out of reach.

Once upon a time, at an early age, I somehow adopted a self-belief that I am not good enough, which can surface when I am feeling triggered by something.  Especially that my experience, skills and education do not matter and as a result, I learned not to trust myself or my feelings.

I retreated from people, including those that I love.  I lost sight of them.  I projected my fears onto them as I always imagined the worst.  And perhaps saddest of all, I lost my sense of integrity.

The penny dropped for me when Eric commented that sometimes I have to put myself in the position of ‘I’.  What am I feeling?  What do I imagine that the other is feeling?  What is happening between us? And can I trust what I am feeling? It took me a long time, but through the empathy, taking risk and opening myself up, I am now able to process things more healthily.

I have sometimes pondered what steps I had taken, and the following stand out for me:

1.    I recognise that I had bottled things up.

2.    I reflected more often and more deeply on this.

3.    I no longer take at face value, what I think I have learned about who I am and what I believe in, is a true reflection of who I really am.

4.   I try to be vulnerable and:

5.   I am beginning to express what I am really thinking and feeling: who my authentic self is…

As Mary Oliver, so beautifully captured in her poem ‘the Journey’,

…one day you finally knew what you had to do and began…determined to do, the only thing you could do—determined to save, the only life you could save…

find me at www.harveycounseling.com