The Wisdom of Eric

Me and my Shadow…

I mused to Eric that I wondered why I was feeling so judgemental of others, whether it was something in my shadow. He paused and reminded me that my shadow is my teacher.

My guess is that my shadow allows me to try on ‘the other side’. Or if you like, check where I am in relation to other people, ideas and thoughts and perhaps to remind me that there are aspects of myself that are hidden from me and that they need attention too.

A case in point was my need to be deferential. It took me a long time to realise that in effect, I was saying to others, ‘I am not good enough and this is my way of letting you know’. I felt that I was in competition with others, to show to them that I could be successful, to prove to my family and in particular my father that I am ‘good enough’.

I still wonder what made me feel invalid in the first place though. It occurs to me that maybe I was (and perhaps still am) hiding aspects of myself deep in my shadow, aspects which felt vulnerable or open to the judgement of others. The parts of me that did not have a chance to mature, the parts of me that swallowed ‘lock, stock and barrel’ values from others that were alien to me. The parts of me that meant that I looked to others to tell me how worthy I was.

It takes courage to allow the light into our shadow.  The first difficult steps are perhaps to be curious and self-compassionate about those aspects of yourself which somehow ring so true, yet for some reason you feel should not be shared or brought into the open.  Try to imagine that you are embracing them and explaining to them, that without them, you are not yet able to show your whole authentic, magnificent self and as such, that is denying the world something special. Personally, I am still a work in progress, but I feel that progress is being made.

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