The Wisdom of Eric

The perfect Picture and my shadow

Imagine.  In each and every one of us there is a perfect picture of ourselves.  A picture so sublime, that it is achingly beautiful. A picture, bounded with a stunning, unique and priceless frame.  However, as you grow up, the picture becomes fragmented like a jigsaw of many, many pieces, so much so, that we lose sight of our perfect picture.

But how did it get to this? For me, the problem was that as I grew older, I would work on building the jigsaw again and again, trying to remember its perfection.  I would try to take out all of the imperfections, continually holding myself  to account for my picture not being perfect.

It was only much later in life that it dawned on me that my current picture is a result of my lived experiences, my upbringing, the trauma and baggage that I have accumulated or inherited over the years. As well as my hopes, fears, successes and failures. My insight was that I had a choice.  I could continue to torment myself or I could choose to try to understand and embrace the picture of who I currently am.

As I reflect, the answer that emerged was not to ‘cut’ anything out of my picture, or to paint over it in a glossy new colour, but rather, reach deep within myself, to a place of intuitive feeling - where we all have a little voice that will not be silenced - where we begin to remember, just how wonderful each and every one of us is, despite the scars of life that we all carry.  It was through exploring my intuition that I learned there was nothing wrong with my current picture and that I could learn to live authentically with it.

One of the ways to do this is to embrace those aspects of the picture which may be in shade, or hidden in plain sight. I often think of this part of my picture as my ‘Shadow’, or all of the things I have learned not to like about myself.

Eric once said to me that the shadow is always with us. The only way to understand it, is to embrace it. And although aspects of our shadows are not created by us, we can if we choose, take responsibility for them.  After all, every great picture is nuanced by shade and contrast.

I also wondered why it had taken me so long to accept the premise that I cannot lose my shadow. It literally dawned on me that it is only when the sun shines on me that I can see my shadow.  It is a part of me, and rather than run from it, repress it or project it, I can only hope to explore it and to try to wholeheartedly integrate it into my sense of who I really am.

Instead of saying why is this my picture.  I try to treat myself with some compassion and understanding and say it’s ok, it is just you and despite the tough times in your life, you are still perfect.

I was once challenged by Eric to get rid of my ‘why’s’, just to let them go.  Perhaps there are no whys, only the acceptance that our shadow is a part of our perfect picture and it is there to remind us that we are very human. Perhaps the real purpose of the shadow is to teach us.  The question given to me was, ‘Am I prepared to learn or not’?

Of course it’s hard, but I often try to remind myself through journaling and mindfulness that I can stop persecuting myself and try to accept that my perfect picture includes all of me and that perhaps my life’s work is to accept it, warts and all.  After all, without my shadow, I would not really be me. I am reminded of the Japanese art/philosophy of Kintsugi, whereby although the object may be broken, it never loses its inherent beauty.

You can find me at www.harveycounseling.com